It wasn’t until I started my job that I knew something about myself had to change. Of course it wasn’t my amazing personality or good looks, but it was the way I was too much of a passive people pleaser and a borderline doormat. My teacher noticed this about me and called me on it. That’s just one of the perks of having a teacher who is also a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor with so many years in practice: they know their shit.
At first I was in denial.
“Pffft. Whatever! I am not a passive people pleaser with Geisha-like qualities (except for the whole sex thing).” I thought to myself. But then I REALLY thought about it. I could be more assertive. I CAN be more assertive! But, I didn’t want to come off like a bitch….that’s just not who I am. I was puzzled until another blogger introduced me to a book called, “Nice Girls Can Finish First: Getting the Results You Want and the Respect You Deserve…While Still Being Liked.” by Daylle Deanna Schwartz, who is a Master’s level counselor. A self-empowerment counselor. I must say that this book changed me in such a positive way. (Perhaps self-empowerment is one speciality area I will focus on in my career? I instantly loved the idea and love empowering other women to take charge in their lives so there’s an idea!)
I became more assertive, not only at work but also less second guessing myself over small decisions. Those would crush me! Enough was enough. After reading this book and identifying myself as a people pleaser, I now know how to handle myself better in ways that benefit myself as a person. No more cursing whatever it was that I let slip away, or saying, “Yes!” to an invite or task I didn’t want to do. I learned that the world doesn’t shrivel up and die if I tell it, “No, thank you!” I was amazed. I didn’t lose that friend because I told them, “No.” They didn’t start yelling at me or cursing my name. My world didn’t end. It actually got better.
To my ladies who are looking to become stronger as a whole, not just physically but mentally, I suggest this book. It offers tales from other “recovering doormats” and explains examples in the easiest way. There’s still hope! You can be happy with your decisions!
The other day my teacher was making an example and said that this lady person had “Brass ovaries.” as opposed to brass balls. I called out and said, “So she was being assertive? No need to describe her ovaries thankyouverymuch.” Am I right?!
One criticism I have about the book is that it’s impossible to have everyone like you. You just can’t. If someone is going to think of me as a bitch then so be it. I cannot control how others think about me. Repeat. YOU cannot control how others think of you. So make sure you say and do what’s right for you. If you still feel good about yourself afterwards then you’re all good. I can’t help it if people stop liking me for finally standing up for myself.
What do you think about asserting yourself? Do you think it’s important to be assertive in life? I’d love to know!
I hope you have a perfectly pink Wednesday!
P.S. Thank you to the blogger who introduced me to this fabulous book!! <3