How can I be out of shape but be such a fast runner? Easy.
The running I’m talking about is not real marathon running, but rather the fight or flight response we meet when we are confronted with something fearful. It’s our brain signaling trouble, telling us “Get up and outta here!” or (put my hands up like a pro boxer) “Bring me what you have, I’m not afraid!”
For most of my life, fleeing and running away has always been my decision.
Work getting hard? Just leave and quit. I can find another job.
Friendship confrontation? Erase their number and never speak to them again. A good friend wouldn’t do something like that!
Acknowledging my feelings for missing my mom? I don’t really like to talk about it so much. When I do, I try to keep the emotion down.
I’m a pro marathon runner when it comes to heavy feelings and having to face fears, confrontations, and any hard stuff head on. What I’ve learned is that running away from things isn’t the best or healthiest action to do. Avoidance just gives any phobia more power over you and stays within you. But it’s so easy to just run away.
I hosted my first Origami Owl jewelry party this weekend which was a great success, however, I had a project due the very next morning. I didn’t purposely plan it this way, as I planned this party before I had my class syllabus. Embracing the can-do attitude I figured I could still do both.
I woke up at 8am the next morning after my soiree, and got to finishing it. I turned in my project before its Noon deadline. SUCCESS!
Or so I thought.
I got an email back from my teacher basically stating he hated and that I had a lot of work to do on it. I was only getting half credit for it not being completely finished by the guidelines and he knew it was a sloppy job that was done the night before/day of. How embarrassing! To top that amazing news off, one of the customers from my jewelry bar completely changed her mind on her order and demanded me to cancel it. She literally wrote me in CAPS THAT I CAN CANCEL ORDERS IN 3 DAYS.
Ahhhhh!! I didn’t need this! It hurt so bad. I started to cry. I stayed in bed for the rest of the afternoon.
So naturally I started thinking defeating thoughts about myself, and that I realized I didn’t have the passion for Mental Health Counseling anymore. That’s why I did such a bad job on my project. For example, if I took this class two years ago I would have had it all done 100% plus then some. I would have been excited to do it. Maybe it’s a mixture of being in grad school for over 2 years, the horrible internship scavenger hunt I’ve done, and my heightened sense of self-doubt that has increased since classes started.
I’m not going to make a big decision with my school just yet, as I want to know my options. I don’t want to walk away completely empty-handed and would still like some sort of degree that’s for non-licensure counselors since I basically finished all my classes. We’ll see what happens.
Until then, I am sad. I’m just going to forget about this until tomorrow when I see my counselor and go from there. All I know is that I don’t think I’ll be happy working so hard and using all this time for a profession I’m not 100% into.
Life is too short to do things that don’t make you 100% happy. I don’t feel being a counselor will make me happy.
I’m hoping a trip to the mall to get a free lipstick at my Sephora will cheer me up. =)
Thanks for listening! It means a lot.
Can you relate to any of this? Have you switched careers in order to make yourself happier? I’d love to know your experience and the outcome if possible.