I used to make fun of my older sister for referring to herself and her husband as “Husband and Wife Team.”
Every time we had a family get together, she would always boast that they are the amazing “husband and wife team.” At first I thought it was kinda cute, but then
they she would start signing family birthday cards with “from Husband and wife team.” That’s when I started rolling my eyes at the sight of it, or when she continued to call themselves that.
I rolled my eyes at the mere thought of calling my husband and I a team. Sure, we are married and love each other and have the same last name, however, we were still our separate selves. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for my man but I still wouldn’t want to refer to ourselves as a “team.” It’s just the two of us, not the teams my husband keeps up with every Sunday, Monday, and Thursday (did you know they now have football on Thursday night?! Soon it will be on every night! OK, back to my story.)
I didn’t care for calling ourselves that. Until tonight, that is.
You know that feeling you get when you know someone is holding in sad, upset feelings but they don’t wanna share it with you? Don’t laugh, but I can sense it when a person is giving off hurt vibes, like I could literally see the brick of whatever feelings my husband had on his chest. It was radiating from his body even though he wasn’t sitting next to me. But instead of telling me about them, he kept the feeling living there and stewing. It was the sad stew I sensed.
“Hey, are you okay? What’s up, hun?” I asked.
“Oh, nothing. I’m fine.” he replies.
Now I know when I reply “nothing” that it means it’s a whole lotta something going on! In this case, we weren’t fighting over anything, it was just a feeling I got. Something wasn’t right, I knew he was stressed out about something.
The Nothing reply/brush-off is really a lie we tell people to allow ourselves to figure out things on our own, to not burden the other person with your problems, or simply you just don’t want to go into it just yet.
After poking, prodding, and having a staring contest with him, he finally let it go and told me how stressed out he was. He told me about what things are upsetting him. I felt sad that he didn’t want to tell me these things till now.
“Why don’t you tell me? I want to know what you’re thinking, especially if you are sad. You do the same thing for me! I complain and get upset over so many things that it’s only fair that I get to swap places with you!
Let’s be equal. Let’s be a team. Our team.”
I stopped myself when I said that out loud. I GET IT NOW. I understood my sister.
Being married doesn’t naturally equate that since I have a husband now, he has to be strong all the time for me and not be sad/stressed/scared of anything to upset me, the little, delicate wifey. This may have been the norm back in the 50’s and probably what both our parents modeled, but we are in a completely different time than they were when they were a young couple (as in married years, NOT age)
My husband knows how I deal with change and sad things, so he wanted to keep his bad stuff away from me. I love him for that notion, but I don’t see that fair nor do I see that as a complete relationship and marriage. Share with me! I’m studying to be a professional counselor! Not only do I want to know what’s wrong, but I want to help.
Just like in teams, you work together. You tap out with them when one is struggling against the opponent. You try your hardest to win together. There will be plenty of losses before you get the trophy of life (whatever that is) but I’m happy to have him as my teammate.
Here’s to becoming and having my husband and wife team. Here’s to winning at life together!
Love you, Bear!
Do you consider your hubby/partner or anyone in your life your teammate? I’d love to hear about your team!!